strive to survive causing least suffering possible




reluctant punk, fixated on self improvement

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Humanity is an absolute cesspool and nowhere is that more apparent than on the internet. The expected thing to say would be “I’m never leaving my bed again” but that would involve looking at the internet. I’d rather unplug and never look at a fucking screen as long as I live.

9 months ago with 0 notes


Automat Kalashnikov


Automat Kalashnikov



Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

10 months ago with 12,275 notes


bat thanks friend for bringing him bananas



Paysage d’Hiver - Einsamkeit (Full Demo)

If you needed an update…

I have had 19 jobs in my life.That’s roughly 2 a year from the time I started working. I currently work 2 jobs, one that I really love and one that frustrates me to no end.The first is at a small dog daycare and boarding facility. Any day where I get to be in the presence of dogs is a good day (I haven’t had or lived with a dog since I was 13). The job environment is low stress, and we also do rescue and fostering. Overall it is the most fulfilling, least bullshit job I’ve ever had. The other is as kitchen manager of a start-up organic juice company. I work graveyard shifts, doing prep work and overseeing production of the raw,cold pressed juice. The hours are long and late,the crew is painfully disorganized, and the boss is a scatterbrained wreck. Most of my attempts to facilitate and streamline making the juice have failed. But I get paid a lot of money. I’m giving it until March to get better.

5 months ago I got a motorcycle license and a 2001 Kawasaki W650. Learning to ride a motorcycle has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, and I have grown incredibly attached to my machine. Everything about it feels great, this is something I wish I had started doing 10 years ago when most of my friends were learning to drive their parent’s cars. I’m still very much a beginner, traffic still scares me and makes me ride with clenched teeth and white knuckles. But it gets better all time. This has been my first motor vehicle, and with it a huge life change. I doubt I will ever get a license to drive a car, but who knows.

I’ve played in punk bands for my entire adult life, and most of the time before I was an adult as well. It has helped me to see and experience wonderful things, and all the friends I currently have are a result of my involvement in punk. Lately, however, I find myself becoming more and more disillusioned with punk to the point where it does not interest me at all. The mentality of the scene is so repulsive to me, I don’t know what spurred such a rapid change in my thinking. But one day I just had enough of the social climbing, the cool guy mentality, and the hype bands.I still love punk music, but I can’t exist in a scene where actual subversive actions are looked down upon. I find myself now without a band. This month marks the longest time I have gone without touching a guitar since I learned to play. But it feels good. I still intent to maintain contact with friends, and go to the occasional show that I really care about. But at this point I am considering myself a full fledged punk dropout. If you told me this when I was 15, I never would have believed it. This blog is going to be boring though, because I really have no idea what to post that’s unrelated to punk. I will probably still post punk stuff.

I’m saving money to move out of the big city for the first time ever. By February 2015, I will to be living in the Santa Cruz mountains. I am so tired of social obligations, so tired of traffic and commotion and almost getting in a physical altercation with a different asshole every day for whatever reason. I need the quiet and the forest and I need to go more than a day without seeing human beings. I’m currently saving money to fund this move. Now that I have a motorcycle, I will actually be able to live somewhere isolated and drive to Santa Cruz for work. I just need a financial cushion while I get settled and find a job. Buying a house is also something I’m considering depending on how much I can save. I’m not giving it too much thought now, the world may not even be here in a year.

I think that Oakland is interesting, it’s a diverse city with a rich history. But it’s an ugly place. I think San Francisco is the only place I could ever hate more than Los Angeles, but I don’t spend enough time there to allow those feelings to take root. The Bay Area is too expensive for any human being to lead a normal life here. You get a sellout job, you hustle super hard, or you work yourself to death to pay rent. We’re paying to live in the good climate here. It’s currently 34 degrees Fahrenheit.

I guess this is an official “I’m back on the internet” post”. A lot of people used to follow me on here, I don’t know where anyone has gone. I’m using this blog solely to keep track of time as my goal of moving inches forward. I don’t get out much anymore. I don’t have many friends who I see often. Growing up is stranger than I could have ever imagined.

10 months ago with 5 notes